Confrontation

Today I had a confrontation with someone that I really, really don't like. I have spent most of my life being a non-confrontational person and letting more go than I should, but there have been a small handful of times that I have to let someone (deserving) have it.
Let me tell you a little story about my relationship with this person that I find so despicable, lets call her K.
We move back from Florida in June 2013 and we are introduced. She had been dating Chad's little brother for several months (not sure exactly how many, less than a year I'm sure). I was polite and so was she but there was something off. She came off as very fake and it was obvious to me. I still did my best to get along with her, she hadn't done anything to me or my family so if she is fake, whatever.
Several weeks after we met Chad had asked me if K was planning on taking our daughter Grace out to play volleyball and practice like she had told Grace she would do. I said that I wasn't sure so Chad asked me to text her and find out.
I sent her a text that she came back sounding pretty rude saying something along the lines of that she hadn't told Grace that. She had, we were all there. (There was another incident that she said she didn't say something that she had said to me, which she did, to me with a friend standing right next to me who heard the conversation too) I said something to the tune of, no worries but going forward please don't promise my kids something if you don't intend on following through. If you're free to play volleyball with Grace please let me know.
She went OFF. This was about two years ago and I deleted the texts that we sent back and forth a long time ago. She was so nasty and rude. When K texts you she comes off as talking down to you, like she is better than everyone. Other family members have told me she texts them the same way, she must have some complex, not too sure.
I ended up blocking her from my phone and deleting her and her boyfriend from our Facebook account. I don't see a reason for them to be able to "check in on us" when she can't be tactful and civil.
Several months pass by, maybe even a year I'm not sure and I sent K a message apologizing for my part of the argument and asking if we could meet to talk things out. We did just that about a week later. She started off being pretty nasty and I was sitting with a smile on my face letting her know that I let it all go a long time ago and deleted the texts. She told me she hadn't and re-read them several times. I guess she likes to fester on arguments, who knows. Either way the 2+ hour "meeting" ended on a good note and I thought things were happy again.
At this time in our lives we had a pretty rocky relationship with Chad's parents and his sister. (Things have since been worked out and we all get along great, thank God!) Chad's brother and K decided to make our relationships with Chad's other family their business and got in the middle of it all despite how well our individual relationships were going up to that point. We had them over for dinner and to spend time together several times, but they started getting nasty with us over things that were none of their business. Again, things are sour. Again, several months later we reach out to fix things. Again, we apologize for whatever it was they were annoyed with and things started to be okay again.
I don't even remember why they were mad at us the last time, they are very sensitive people and seem to like to be mad at us.
Anyway, things were worked out which was important to us because they were engaged and Chad was hoping to be part of his brother's upcoming wedding. His brother was a groomsman in our wedding when he was 14.
At some point in-between I'm not sure which argument and soon after Orin's Autism diagnosis she agreed to meet up with me for a dinner to discuss Orin. She works in the Autism field (even though her degree has nothing to do with it...) and I was hopeful for some opinions and help on how to handle my son's new diagnosis and where I should look to to get him the help he needs. She had been around Orin some but not much. During the dinner she never once smiled at me and treated this as a business meeting. She was sweet and smiled at our waiter but then went back to being serious with me. She diagnosed him (she used that phrase to Chad in a text "Her diagnosis") as needing 40 hours per week of ABA therapy and probably PT and OT. I was terrified. Our insurance wouldn't cover that and she made it sound like Orin was destitute. She also asked me why I waited so long to have Orin diagnosed...he was three, I fought for a diagnosis for a year before I finally got it, what do you mean why did I wait so long? I have since discussed her diagnosis with Orin's teachers, therapists and pediatric neurologist (people that are actually around my son and work with him and a doctor) who have all said she is WAY off base and that would be the complete opposite of helpful for Orin's situation. It would be a shame if anyone she works with found out that she is diagnosing, even worse, mis-diagnosing patients. Yes, she called my son her patient. She also refused to associate herself with Orin for Autism Awareness, she sent me another gem of a text letting me know that.
A couple of weeks after we "made up" the last time I had talked to Chad about hoping that I was going to be invited to K's bridal shower, seeing that we are about to be related and our relationship was much better. Chad had mentioned it to his brother during a golf game. His brother told K about the inquiry, as a result she sent me another nasty series of texts. It was clear that she was trying to draw me into an argument, but I just wouldn't do it. It ended as it began with a message to me of basically "who do you think you are, you can't attend, we aren't there yet". I was clearly NOT invited. Whatever, it was her shower, if she didn't want me there then fine.
A little after the bridal shower incident I was set to host my sister-in-law's (SIL-Chad's sister) baby shower. I was so excited! It was important to my SIL that K be involved in the shower. I swallowed my pride, again, and reached out to K. We hosted a great shower along with my mother-in-law. I reached out to them both for input and agreed that I would do all of the work (my MIL lives out of country) and that because K is so busy with work she would just bring the flowers.
The morning of the baby shower K sent me a text telling me she was confused on what time the shower started (what? we planned this together!) and that she would be there and hour later than anticipated, about 20 minutes before the beginning of the shower.
The plan was for Chad, my SIL's husband and Chad's brother to play a round of golf while the shower was going on.
Chad's brother and K showed up late with the flowers. Chad's brother realized that a mis-communication resulted in Chad and my other BIL already being at the golf course, he would have to meet them there. Nobody thought this was an issue because Chad's brother had done this to Chad before, not a big deal. Just drive the 7.2 minutes to the course. Chad's brother lost it. He started yelling at all of us ladies getting ready for the party. He was yelling and cussing at us and in front of my daughters (Orin was with Chad). I told him to knock it off, it isn't our faults, just go to the golf course. Meanwhile K starts dealing with the flowers acting like his behavior was totally fine. As he was leaving I sent Chad a text that said "You brother is throwing a tantrum because y'all are already at the course. What a prick." I hit send...and then realized that I had accidentally sent the text to K. Great. I tried to figure any way out to delete it before she saw it. I was mortified. As soon as the reality set in that there was no way for me to undo the damage (remember that she is still being short with me because of the bridal shower stuff) I discreetly pulled her into my laundry room and told her what happened. I told her that I was so sorry and very embarrassed. She was of course nasty to me and was awful to me the entire rest of the shower, but that was totally my fault so I dealt with it.
I was certain that we would lose our invitation to their wedding, but we didn't.
Less than two weeks before the wedding my SIL had her son. I was so happy to be in the room while she delivered him, it was such an amazing experience and I'm eternally grateful for her wanting me to be there. A day or so after she delivered K came to visit her and my nephew. Again, she was nasty to me. When she left she said goodbye very lovingly and nice to my SIL and then turned to me, who was in the same room, rolled her eyes and mumbled "bye" to me.
I also think it is important to let you all know that while she is treating me (and sometimes Chad) like this she then goes to our children and tries to be the sweetest, fakest person I've ever seen. That will not be happening ever again.
As their wedding got closer it was apparent that Chad's brother wasn't going to invite him to be part of his wedding party. Chad was so hurt. There were 8 groomsmen and 3 ushers and Chad wasn't asked to be in even the smallest part of the wedding. We're confident it is because of her. Chad and his brother had such an amazing relationship until K came along. It's pretty sad.
At the rehearsal and wedding we just sat and went along with the motions. We were not happy to be there and left both events early so that what we were thinking didn't come out of our mouths and ruin their event. It was a depressing event for us. They avoided us the entire time and that was fine.
About two months after the wedding I got a letter in the mail with no return address. I opened it, it was a Thank You card. I opened it and read the nastiest grouping of words that someone of her mental capacity can write. Chad wasn't home so I took a picture of it and sent it to him. He and his brother ended up getting in a screaming match for almost two hours on the phone that evening. His brother apologized for not including Chad in the wedding, but of course it was too late and the damage from that can not be undone. I went to send K a text thanking her for her letter and putting on paper who she really is, but by then she had deleted and blocked us from Facebook (an act that she told us we were trash and childish for doing when the first argument happened) and blocked my cell number. So I then typed out my response to her letter and easily found her address to send it to. However, I again took the high road and never printed or sent the letter. No need, we all know who she really is.
That brings us to today. I had just ordered my coffee at Starbucks and sat with my friends. I was talking with them when I saw her walk in. I was shocked, she doesn't live in our area. I looked at my friend Amanda who instantly knew why that look was on my face. I was shaking. As I'm deciding not to say anything and just let her leave and leave me in peace one of my friends I was there with said that she took my picture on her phone and was giggling. I had hoped up until that point that she hadn't seen me and there would be no need for a confrontation. At that point (after the giggling and picture) my name was called for my coffee. I stood up to grab it and there she was looking right at me with a snide grin. That was it. I said "Hi K!" She responded and I said "I got your letter, that was great!" and proceeded to tell her how I feel about her. At that point her eyes got pretty wide and she said that this wasn't the time and that I should have some class about myself. I told her that this was the perfect time and continued letting her know in very very clear terms how much of a trashy, hypocritical coward I think she is. As her name was being called for her coffee I noticed that she was looking me straight in the eyes and I ended the conversation reiterating exactly what kind of person I think she is. She then turned around and left with her drink.
I was very quiet and discreet this entire time and I had a smile on my face. I'm not sure why I did but I'm sure it was because I was so happy to be getting everything off of my chest that she never gave me the opportunity to before.
K is a control freak, I'm sure that it "wasn't the time" because it was out of her control. She comes off as pretentious, arrogant and fake. I don't want another opportunity to be around her so this was going to be the right time.
I'm actually really surprised that she didn't have anything to say back. I know she was caught off guard, as was I, but she has always seemed to come off so tough in her texts and letter.
I'm sure her version of how things happened will be very different and exaggerated, but it is a good thing there were SO many people there that saw the truth. I had three friends with me that had no idea of what I was saying because I was so quiet (they were literally less than three feet from me) and thought I was being pleasant with her because of my smile, along with a woman that we don't know that was right there too and stated she thought everything was ok. There was no scene and it was over in less than a minute.
I'm not proud of how things went today and I wish they never happened but I'm not sorry that it did.
She told me to have some "class", I'm sure I handled myself tactfully in a situation that could have gone much worse very fast.
I'm not saying I've been perfect in this relationship. I got nasty back during the first series of texts and didn't use any kind of nice language today. It is all a reaction to how I feel she is treating me, which isn't ok.
To me having class means handling yourself in a tactful way and being a lady. It also means sticking up for yourself when it is necessary. I have let everything go over and over with her for the sake of family, I felt that today with how she has treated me and taking a picture for no good reason that it was time to behave exactly like I did, classy.

Until next time, count your blessings! :)

Sara

PS-K&C, I know you're reading this, I'm so flattered that you care so much about what I have to say! But, why are you so concerned with what I have to say? Why are you so concerned with what I do with my time? You said you want nothing to do with us but you keep reading my blog, that makes no sense. We don't search you out, we don't care. Please know that if you try to send any more letters or anything like that it will not be read and it will be saved to show the rest of the family, just like the first letter. We don't have time for your drama and want nothing to do with any of it. Worry about yourselves, there seems to be plenty to be concerned with there.